The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame sucks. In fact it's hard to think of something that sucks worse. I mean tearing your scrotum while trying to inject cocaine into your penis, or living in Pakistan are worse, but you know what I mean.

I love all types of music but I especially love rock and roll, and the fact that the thing that calls itself the "Rock and Roll Hall of Fames" is as horrible as it is, is just depressing as hell. Take a look at the list of inductees. This is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, not the this band had 6 hits between 1965 and 1968 hall of fame. These are suppose to the "Immortals" of Rock and Roll. So someone please explain to me how the The Animals got in. I don't think that The Animals are necessarily a bad band, but the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Really? And how about Bob Seger? I can think of 10 bands/people off the top of my head who deserve to be in anything that calls itself the "Rock and Roll Hall of Fame" more than Bob Seger. How about Kiss? I don't even like Kiss but fuck it, they sold over 100 million records and I'll bet that quite a few more kids picked up a guitar and formed a band after hearing "Rock and Roll All Nite", than "Like A Rock". Or how about Rush? I like Rush more than Kiss, but not by much. They have a career that spans almost 40 years, they've sold over 40 million records and have 14 platinum ones. What exactly do they have to do to get in? Or how about Tom Waits, The Smiths, Iron Maiden, Lightin' Hopkins, Nick Drake, Daniel Lanois, Joy Division, or Kaftwerk. I could go on.

You might notice one name on my list that kinda sticks out a bit. As I'm sure you know Lightin' Hopkins did not play rock and roll. He was a blues musician. So what's he doing in my list? Well, for some fucked up reason one doesn't need to actually play rock and roll to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Why the fuck are Miles Davis, Johnny Cash, Charlie Christian and John Lee Hooker all in the Hall as performers? I can understand wanting to honour those who influenced Rock and Roll, but none of those people really played much rock and roll. I mean Miles Davis? Wow the selection committee really must have had their heads inserted firmly into their assholes on that one. Another thing that really pisses me off is that they put all these blues and jazz musicians as performers and "early influences", but where are the country guys? If you're going to put Johnny Cash in, why not Willie Nelson? Or Townes Van Zandt. Or Kris Kristofferson? And you're going to put Jimmie Rodgers in but not The Carter Family? I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Anyways, I'm so disgusted with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, (ZZ Top in there you know...fucking ZZ Top), that I'm forming my own. I will have an initial induction that will include what I refer to as the  "Obligatories". These are groups and people that no respectable Hall of Fame dedicated to rock and roll could be without. After that I will induct 4 performers and two non-performers a year. I invite all 3 of my readers to send me those they think are worthy of induction. The criteria for election to the hall is a little ambiguous. What makes a performer important? It is record sales? Perceived influence on others? I guess  those both play role. I guess it really comes down to legacy. I really believe that people will be listening to Bob Dylan 50 years from now. I'm not sure they'll be listening to ZZ Top. One thing though. Those eligible for entry must be rock and roll performers. No jazz, no blues, no Gypsy soul music. I love jazz, blues, folk, bluegrass, country, and several other types of music, but this is the "Rock and Roll" hall of fame so it's rock and roll only. Also when a band is elected, ALL THE PEOPLE IN THAT BAND ARE ELECTED. I fucking hate the fact that that piece of shit in Cleveland excludes certain members of bands. Why isn't Doug Yule included with the Velvet Underground. Sure he wasn't the heart and soul of the band, but he was there and he played a big role on what was arguably their best record. Who the fuck are the assholes at the Hall of Fame, (which will henceforth be called the Hall of Incest, to differentiate it from the real Hall of Fame, my Hall of Fame), to decide who is and isn't a member of the Velvet Underground, (or any band for that matter). Fucking disgusting.

I will be announcing the "Obligatories" very soon. After that the induction ceremonies will take place annually on January 8th. That is Elvis Presley's birthday, and after all he did invent rock in roll on that day in 1972.